Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Towards the Finish Line

37 weeks and one day...
It is hard to believe that I have carried around another living person in me for almost 40 weeks. Looking back at most of my posts, I have been quite the annoyed pregnant woman. In retrospect, this pregnancy has been a breeze. I have been blessed with little to no reflux, no vomiting, no extreme fatigue, no blood pressure problems, no gestational diabetes. I do, however, have extremely large cankles and puffy feet. I have taken after my mother by wearing hand splints due to carpal tunnel (a little known side effect of pregnancy sometimes!) As I write this post, I can barely feel the keys beneath me, and I have to keep backspacing due to misspelled words. However, this is only a minor hurdle to overcome with a beautiful end result.
The past week has been draining emotionally and spiritually. Our good friends experienced the loss of their 4 month old baby boy. We had planned on Jonah one day having playdates with him, and we were so shocked and grieved to find out he had been called home. Although we can't begin to understand their feelings of loss, we do hurt with them and for them. We have cried many tears, and I know more will be shed. However, watching our friends walk through this time has been faith-building and convicting. How many parents could honestly say that they viewed their child as a gift and were not possessive over them? We have seen our friends praise God when they found out they were pregnant, and they continue to praise Him when his time on earth was finished. They viewed the gift of their son as something to be treasured, with the knowledge that he belonged to the Father ultimately. This is one lesson I will never forget, and it offers a peace that I have not known before. Despite all of our human dreams and wishes for our baby, they our not "ours" solely. They have been entrusted to us as a gift.

I will never understand some things this side of heaven.

What I do know is this: I don't know. And when I can admit that "I don't know", it means that I am not relying on myself for the answers. Isn't that what it's all about? Faith, to me, is like admitting you don't have it all together, or have all the answers, or even have a clue about what is going on.... but what you do know is that someone else sure does...and that someone else is the only one that is reliable, sees the whole picture, and knows what is best.

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