Chapter Three: To Jonah

Dear Jonah,
As I write this, you are resting on my mom's chest, also known as "Sha-Sha". Hopefully, one day you can read this post by yourself, and I am sure it will be when you are three because you are so smart already:) I believe we have a genius!!! The fact that you are home is amazing to me, and I am glad that you probably won't remember your first few days of life in the hospital. I know I will never forget, but despite the bumpy road home, we were blessed the entire time.
Your first few hours in the world were so peaceful! You were very alert, and you just liked to stare at people with those crossed eyes. We spent the majority of the day trying to decide who you looked like. We think you have my nose and cheeks; you definitely have the Sams' eyes. You have an ET toe like Daddy, and a beautiful head of hair! You had lots of visitors come to see you. You are definitely loved!
The first night, neither your mom or dad slept at all. Each hour was a new discovery of who you were and why you did what you did. Each cry meant something different. It only took two episodes to realize that you HATE to have a poopy diaper; you will not wait to get changed at all, even in the middle of a feeding!!! You only cried when you needed something. We were either changing your diaper, feeding you, or trying to adjust the thermostat because it was either too hot or cold. You take after your mom in that respect.
The second day, you were a little different, but I couldn't put my finger on it. You were still so cuddly, but you weren't feeding as well and seemed warmer than normal. We couldn't quite get you settled. Your nurse, Casey, took your temperature and it was high. You had to have bloodwork, and your pediatrician decided that due to the fever and one certain test (a test that is vague but says "something" is going on, we just don't know what), you were moved to the nursery so you could have IV antibiotics. Your mom and dad had to move to another room on a general floor, and you had to be stuck with a little needle so you could get your medicine.
When I saw your little IV, it broke my heart. Only a few hours old, and already you were being poked and prodded! You hated that IV, and your dad and I say you are definitely ours; we hate to be tied down with anything, also!!!
The next morning, we were told that I had to leave and you had to stay. I couldn't imagine leaving you, and I cried alot. Your dad and I both cried, because everything was so unknown. The pediatrician seemed to think you could leave Thursday, but it could even be Friday!
We went home that afternoon and left you there. Even though I knew we would see you that evening, we cried buckets all the way home. Who could have known that someone you just laid eyes on could have such a hold on your heart???
We got home, and your grandparents had put a blue bow on the mailbox and door. A little blue garden flag marked the entrance to our driveway announcing a baby boy! We both cried again as we pulled in the driveway; you weren't with us! All the neighbrhood kids came out to welcome you home, but you weren't there. They were so excited to see you, and you will have a lot of playmates!
We went back that evening, and we sat with you for awhile. We fed and loved on you, and then we left. We knew you were in good hands, because my good friend Michelle was your nurse for that day and the next. We slept somewhat decently, but it was hard not to have you there.
The next morning, we woke up and got to the hospital. Michelle was all smiles! Good news...your blood cultures haven't grown anything, you have had no fevers, and you are feeding and sleeping well!! We were so excited. We got to take you home, and it was surreal actually pulling up with you in the car this time. We aren't nervous, just thankful that you are well and are home. Our hearts go out to other parents who have to leave their babies in the hospital for way longer than we did. We also have a new understanding for what it is like to have a child and love them more than you thought you could. You are a blessing, Jonah! We look forward to learning all about you, and we already know that you have stolen our hearts!

Chapter Two: To Patrick

This post is for my husband, who is now a dad, and a great one at that!
Throughout my pregnancy, you have been loving, supportive, and encouraging despite my 50lb weight gain, rearranged body, and whirlwind emotions.
You tell me you were impressed by me during the labor and delivery process, but I must say that you impressed me! Although I was quite possibly in the worst shape and unresponsive to your encouragement, you continued to coach me through the birth of our son. You offered ice, an arm for that dead leg of mine that must have weighed a ton, and unrelenting encouragement that I could do it. I think we have grown closer because of this experience, and I am amazed with each hour that passes at how you have waited on me hand and foot while still attending to Jonah.
I look forward to starting this journey with you, and I am proud to be your wife and Jonah's mother. To be continued....

Chapter One: Jonah and the Whale

Saturday/Sunday: September 19th and 20th
We walked around the neighborhood Saturday evening. We just KNEW that Jonah would come before Monday. When Sunday rolled around, I was convinced I would be going back to work Monday morning. Now, I love my job, but I had gotten it in my head that I would not be returning. Sunday morning, we both woke up and were extremely tired. However, we decided to walk to Subway in order to hopefully induce labor! This next sentence is not for the faint at heart, so just stop reading and go to the next paragraph:) This same morning, I had lost my mucus plug, and immediately after began having slight cramping.

Ok, you can read again.

So, on to Subway we went, and once we ordered, I sat down and had more regular contractions that would last about 45 seconds and come every 5-10 minutes. These weren't bad, but they were uncomfortable. We walked back home, and I decided to go ahead and get a few things in order "just in case". The cramping continued throughout the day, but it did not intensify. That evening, I began having strong band-like contractions that lasted over a minute and came anywhere from every 2 to 10 minutes. What in the world? I tried to hold out until the next morning, as I had an appointment. However, by 10pm, I was so uncomfortable that I had to focus on getting through each contraction. I called the midwife on call, who was Carolyn Greene. Her husband was one of my OB instructors during nursing school, and I was glad to hear her voice on the other line. I explained everything to her, and she said to hold out as long as I could. I felt more reassured, and we packed our bags and lay down, thinking that by the morning we could head for the hospital. After a warm bath to try to relax, I could not even stand up even more and watched the clock until it hit 11:45pm. OK! Time to go! By the time we got to the hospital, it would be after midnight, and we wouldn't have to pay for another room. We got in the car, kissed Tuck good-bye, and drove straight to the hospital. By this time, the contractions were "rolling" without relief. At times there would be a minute break, but I felt like they never really stopped.
We finally got to the hospital and checked in. The room was wonderful, and the nurse was reassuring. I got Nubain to help relax me, and then an hour later received an epidural. I was poked 3 different times...third time's a charm??? Well, not really.
3 hours later, I could feel the contractions again to the point that I felt I was starting labor all over again. Another anesthesiologist came in and got the epidural started with 1 stick; he also gave me a spinal block that lasted about 2 hours but was immediate acting. My right leg was completely numb, and I could not move it! By this time, my water broke, and it was meconium stained. Sigh...
So we flushed out the uterus to hopefully reduce the amount of meconium that Jonah would be exposed to. At around 11am, almost 12 hours since we had been there, I felt such incredible pressure that the only option was to push. Although I was completely dilated and effaced, Jonah's little head was not far enough down. They tried to get me to hold off, but I looked at that clock and thought "I'm over this. We are going to have a baby even if I pass out doing it".
We called Carolyn back in, and she had her student, Michelle, with her. Michelle was wonderful and pretty much coached me through the whole delivery. It took a few contractions to figure out exactly how to "push". We also tried all sorts of different positions to help Jonah descend. At one point, I was pulling on a bedsheet like a rope. The next minute, I was holding on to a bar like back in dance class, although this plie was not quite the same!
As each hour passed, I became more exhausted and felt like we were getting nowhere. The epidural was wearing off, but this baby was coming regardless! At one point, I pushed so hard I threw up. Patrick is still amazed at this, as he has never seen me throw up before. I HATE to throw up and will do anything to stop it. Well, there was no stopping this one!
After 2 and a half hours had passed, it was time to talk about options. We decided it would be best to use a vacuum, as he had come down far enough; however, I was feeling like I was going to pass out between each contraction. Dr. Haskins came in, and the NICU team (about 8 people) came in as well. This provided all the encouragement I needed! There was NO way that I was going to be in this vulnerable position any longer than I had to with all these people to gawk:) I pushed through 2-3 contractions, and Jonah arrived! However, I felt every single bit of little Jonah enter this world, and nothing could have prepared me for that!!! When he was born, he wasn't given a chance to cry to reduce the risk of aspiration. He was handed over to the team, and within a few minutes, his little cry split through the air! He was wonderful, healthy, and I was pooped! I will spare the next hour of details, but I will say that I can't sit or stand for too long without being incredibly sore!
The nurses were wonderful, the midwife and student were compassionate, and Patrick was by my side the whole time, holding that poor right leg. He offered ice, water, and whatever else seemed to be needed. I couldn't have done it without him, and he offered the encouragement I needed to make it through. As I had asked for the mirror to be moved (it was depressing for me to not see progress), I relied on him to give me a play by play. That encouragement was what brought you, Jonah, into this world!!! My favorite phrase from Patrick was "Grunt through it!"
So this concludes Chapter One: Jonah is out of the whale, and our lives are forever changed!

Where are you????

Friday was 39 weeks and 3 days....I went to see the midwife for my weekly check-up. I sat in there and point blank asked her to "strip the membrane"...whatever it's called..I should know this, but I did the whole nurse practitioner thing not OB! Anyway, she said, "well, let me check you". Needless to say, that was quite uncomfortable, and I broke into a sweat! Jonah...the things I do for you...
I was 3cm and 75% effaced. Somewhat encouraging, as progress has been made, but there is still no way to tell when he will make his entrance! I just KNEW it would be sometime this weekend. I had this feeling we would be going to the hospital Friday night. Well, all day I was really uncomfortable, and I made sure I had tied up loose ends at work. Now here it is Saturday evening, and I felt fine all day. Well "fine" is a term used loosely. "Fine" to a pregnant lady means you can still function and get out of the bed. I was still sporting cankles, a decent amount of back pain, and lots of pressure! However, you do get used to these things! Funny...
So tonight, Patrick and I walked around the neighborhood for a good while. It wasn't my belly that was hurting; my shins and feet were so tight that it was hard to walk! We did take a picture to commemorate the moment. It was quite funny, because a random lady in the neighborhood asked if we wanted a picture together. "No", we said. "We just wanted to document this desperation". Regardless of what we do, I'm sure Jonah will come when it's the perfect time. And most likely, the perfect time will be in the middle of the night, after I have taken a tylenol pm. (oops I did that this evening). I was hoping for one good solid night of sleep, as I have not slept well in months! Jonah definitely listened and has stayed put like I requested:) I wanted to at least make it to this weekend, and we did make it! So, who wants to make a bet on when he will come? If you bet and win, I'll give you a butterfinger. We have about 3 packs of them. What can I say....Food Lion had an MVP sale, and we are suckers for a sale....

Glass Half Empty=Glass Half Full!I

For those of you who are Anne of Green Gables fans, I'm feeling a little "Anne-ish" today. No, I'm not in the "depths of despair", and I'm definitely not rowing on the Lake of Shining Waters. However, I am trying to see the beauty in every day life. Since the past few weeks have passed, I have realized that my little trials are really not that big a deal. I always thought Anne was a little dramatic, but I tend to be a little dramatic myself at times. That is why I have always loved this quote: "As Rachel Lynde used to say, the sun will go on rising and setting whether I fail in Geometry or not. I think I'd rather it didn't go on if I failed". I truly do want the sun to continue rising and setting, but deep down inside sometimes it would be nice to hide under the covers and ignore the annoyance of that day.
Well, today Patrick's car decided to come down with a case of the "broken alternator". Which is just wonderful, considering that leaves us several hundred dollars in the hole and a car short. However, I grew up with cars that constantly needed repair, so this was like coming home. No big deal, except the fact I COULD POP ANY MOMENT:)
Which brings me to the whole point of this post: any time you notice something going downhill or not your way, there has to be a "half-full" side to it. My half-full is that we have made it to 38 weeks in this pregnancy, which means in about 2 weeks our lives will change forever!
It doesn't seem quite real right now, because we can't see him. I can feel him, and I am affected by him, but I don't really truly know him completely. Sounds a little like God, doesn't it? This side of heaven, we can feel Him, we are affected by Him, and we know Him to an extent. However, until we leave this earth, it is like looking through a veil. "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known." 1 Cor 13:12.
So my glass is more than half-full, but I thought it was a cute analogy:)
I am definitely feeling every bit of this 38 weeks, and I believe Jonah may be feeling the effects, too. He seems to be quite active. For the past few days, he has been more subdued, and I was concerned that something was wrong. I would poke and prod, and he would poke lazily back like "I'm here, chill out!" However, since this weekend and my furious cleaning frenzy, it has felt like he is doing aerobics in there. I am experiencing alot of burning back pain, so much to the point that I can't stand for more than 10 minutes at a time. I also feel a lot of downward pressure, but this is ok. You almost get used to it. ALMOST.
So, Jonah, I still am asking you to chill out a week longer maybe. This is the first request from your mother, and you haven't even made an appearance yet. It's worth the discomfort knowing that the longer you wait, the more time I have over the holidays with you. Ok??


I will leave you with this qoute, which has probably nothing to do with this post. But, like I said, I'm feeling a little Anne-ish, and only those kindred spirits will really know what I'm talking about!


"Isn't it splendid to think of all the things there are to find out about? It just makes me feel glad to be alive--it's such an interesting world. It wouldn't be half so interesting if we know all about everything, would it? There'd be no scope for imagination then, would there?" ~Anne Shirley

Nesting???

I had big plans for this weekend. I really did; however, my fatigue got the best of me....until today....
Friday night I was so exhausted from the week that I stayed home from Patrick's football game. I wrote thank you notes with my numb hands and watched pointless TV.
Saturday, we slept in till around 11am!! Of course, we were each still in different beds....I can't breathe at night and have to use the potty at least 8 times per night, so Patrick and I both have more rest in separate accommodations. He is upstairs in the guest room, and I spread out with my mountains of pillows in our King size bed downstairs. Tuck stays with me, and he is blissfully unaware of my nightly rituals: pee, toss to left side, pee, toss to right side, pee, go to kitchen and down a whole bottle of dasani, pee again just to make sure it's all out, figure out which side I should be on this time, figure out that's definitely not the correct side because of the stabbing pain through the hip, toss to the other side, snore, wake-up. Oh, did I mention that "toss" is used very loosely in this example! By this stage of the pregnancy, Jonah gets quite comfortable on whichever side I am laying; therefore, I have to literally support my belly with one hand while trying to turn over to the other side and bring him with me. Weird.
Saturday afternoon we had good intentions of watching our beloved ECU Pirates play, and we did watch it for approximately 30 minutes! The next thing I knew, I woke up in a pool of drool, and Patrick was snoring away beside me. Wow we are old.
Sunday, we woke up and went to church. We had a quick lunch at a local restaurant, and when I got home I still felt sleepy. I laid down for about 10 minutes, and then it happened.
All that talk about butterfinger cake and rice krispy treats hit me again. I HAD to make it, and I HAD to go to the store right then.
So, I grabbed my purse, but I couldn't get out of the house just yet. Nope. Never in my life have I ever felt the need to clean out from under the sink. Who does that anyway? I'm the kind of person to buy the 15th bottle of windex just because I can't remember if we have any under the sink, nor do I care to look before I buy it! I sorted through the cabinet and frantically tossed away old bottles. In my head, all the carpet cleaner/dishwasher cleaner/windex HAD to be on the right side. All the towels/sponges/scrubbers HAD to go into the blue little caddy on the left. The remaining pledge/kaBOOM/toxic chemicals stayed in the middle. Whew. That's done!
I make it to the grocery store, and I find myself in the detergent aisle. I had every intention of buying just one bottle of detergent for this family, but I kept hearing in the back of my mind this mantra over and over: dreft, dreft, dreft, dreft, DREFT! It was like a runaway train coming closer and closer. I literally stood in that aisle about 10 minutes, comparing the cost of dreft to the regular detergent that was "fragrance-free, dermatologist approved!" I couldn't bring myself to buy it. This baby was going to have the detergent dreft, because if he broke into a rash because his mom was concerned about spending an extra 10$, then his mom would probably be found facing a corner rocking back and forth, back and forth.....
I bought a normal detergent as well, because I have a thing for yummy smelling freshly washed clothes; I also bought bounce dryer sheets for the adults in this household. I am sure by week 3, all of the laundry will be thrown in together, but for now this baby is getting the royal treatment.
I make it home and put everything away in record time. I put the cake in the oven and made the rice krispy treats. Nothing was burned during this time, which shows you I was on a mission!
After all the treats were out of the oven and cooling, I ran upstairs and started opening and closing drawers in Jonah's room. Off came the crib sheets, tags of 0-3 months clothes, and some washcloths and towels. These all were thrown into the laundry with, you guessed it, DREFT!
I then went into our room and started to fold clothes that had been in my corner of the room for about 3 months. It is at this point that I must confess: I have eaten a rice krispy treat (and licked the bowl). I felt so sick and nauseated, and my stomach was churning. It was either coming out the top, bottom, or both! I curled up on my left side (which is the only way I can lay without losing my breath), and I find myself fast asleep.
Whew! Next thing I know, I'm awake and we are off to taco bell for a cheap dinner. We eat, and when I get home, I finish folding my clothes and Jonah's clothes. Some of Jonah's clothes look a lot smaller coming out than they did going in, but I'm not going to even go there. It makes me irrirated.
That bathroom is begging me to clean it. I can see that cloudy faucet saying "just think of how shiny I will be when you are done!" I have promised myself that I will clean the bathroom tomorrow, as well as clean off the kitchen table. Other than that, I hope the playard makes it into our bedroom. If it doesn't, I'm sure I will force it in there myself.
Is this nesting, or is this the potrayal of a mom-to-be desperately trying to keep some form of control? I am definitely a control freak, and I have planned out my life since graduating high school. Being pregnant is probably one of the biggest out of control moments you can have. Therefore, you may call this nesting, but I look at it as a little bit of nesting and a lot of trying to keep control.
I am so pooped now. But I'm not anywhere near being done. Jonah's clothes are folded, but they are here by the bed waiting for the next time I get the energy to walk upstairs. I figure one day I will look back at this post and laugh. Until then, I have closed the bathroom door so it doesn't taunt me anymore.

Jonah and the Whale:)

I have decided to post these infamous belly pictures. Of course, I do not know how to post pictures appropriately on this blog, so they are on reverse order. This should make it all the more entertaining!

September 2, 2009
A little over 37 weeks, but measuring 40!

July 18th, 2009
30 weeks

June 1, 2009
24 weeks

May 4, 2009
20 weeks...oh how little that bump was!

March 25, 2009
Around 14 weeks....

Hopefully, I will get the hang of posting pictures. But, until then, enjoy going backwards! It is extremely hilarious to me to see the picture from 37 weeks. I really don't feel that big, but I can see how it can be quite shocking!

Towards the Finish Line

37 weeks and one day...
It is hard to believe that I have carried around another living person in me for almost 40 weeks. Looking back at most of my posts, I have been quite the annoyed pregnant woman. In retrospect, this pregnancy has been a breeze. I have been blessed with little to no reflux, no vomiting, no extreme fatigue, no blood pressure problems, no gestational diabetes. I do, however, have extremely large cankles and puffy feet. I have taken after my mother by wearing hand splints due to carpal tunnel (a little known side effect of pregnancy sometimes!) As I write this post, I can barely feel the keys beneath me, and I have to keep backspacing due to misspelled words. However, this is only a minor hurdle to overcome with a beautiful end result.
The past week has been draining emotionally and spiritually. Our good friends experienced the loss of their 4 month old baby boy. We had planned on Jonah one day having playdates with him, and we were so shocked and grieved to find out he had been called home. Although we can't begin to understand their feelings of loss, we do hurt with them and for them. We have cried many tears, and I know more will be shed. However, watching our friends walk through this time has been faith-building and convicting. How many parents could honestly say that they viewed their child as a gift and were not possessive over them? We have seen our friends praise God when they found out they were pregnant, and they continue to praise Him when his time on earth was finished. They viewed the gift of their son as something to be treasured, with the knowledge that he belonged to the Father ultimately. This is one lesson I will never forget, and it offers a peace that I have not known before. Despite all of our human dreams and wishes for our baby, they our not "ours" solely. They have been entrusted to us as a gift.

I will never understand some things this side of heaven.

What I do know is this: I don't know. And when I can admit that "I don't know", it means that I am not relying on myself for the answers. Isn't that what it's all about? Faith, to me, is like admitting you don't have it all together, or have all the answers, or even have a clue about what is going on.... but what you do know is that someone else sure does...and that someone else is the only one that is reliable, sees the whole picture, and knows what is best.